I remember when my kids were still at home with me, and I kept telling all my friends I can’t wait for them to be gone.  I am not going to have any of that empty nest syndrome.  I won’t miss them at all.  I have such a full life; my work, my friends and tons of activities.  But to my surprise now that they are both gone out of the house, I find myself missing them both dearly.  Strangely, when I’m walking down the street and I see a little baby, I want to grab it and take it home with me.  Obviously I don’t do that!  I’m now 45 years old and asking myself; am I too old to have another one?  Sometimes I am serious in considering this.  

Although I do have a very full life,  I now finally get this “empty nest thing” even though I never thought it would happen to me.

Here I am……. waiting anxiously for my next call from the kids.  I feel like an addict waiting for my next fix. 

by Deb Gillespie

Posted: November 19th, 2008 under Being a Mom, Children, Deb's Story, Personal Growth.
Comments: none

By: Sonia Nunez 

Ah yes, spring cleaning. To some who love to clean, it can be their second Christmas. To everyone else, it’s a dreaded chore.

Spring cleaning is something that doesn’t necessarily need to be done in the springtime, or even just the spring. However, there are certain cleaning chores that should be addressed at least annually, and it’s usually good to do many of these during a time of year when you can open windows for fresh air, and do some outdoor chores as well.

We’ve listed some here to consider; a good suggestion is to read through this material while considering your own home, and making an actual list of the chores you want to accomplish during your spring cleaning. If necessary, break up this chore over the course of two days or two weekends so you don’t get overwhelmed.

Mattress and box springs. Your mattress and especially your box springs can collect dust and dirt. Use a vacuum cleaner hose and attachment and run them over both items.Refrigerator coils and underside. Pull the refrigerator out from the wall and then, using your brush attachment, vacuum the dust from every crevice you can find. Detach the vent from the front and vacuum there, too. While the fridge is pulled out, clean the floor underneath it.

Air vents. Your air vents collect a lot of dust over the course of a year. Unscrew them from the wall or floor and vacuum when you can.Laundry room floor. Move your washer and dryer out from the wall and clean around and underneath. Wipe down both appliances.

Attic/basement. Both rooms probably need some attention when it comes to cobwebs. Also, take this opportunity to toss out anything you’re storing that you know you don’t need any longer – broken appliances you’re never going to fix, tools that are rusted or unusable, clothes you’ll never wear again, and so on. These types of things are simply cluttering up your home and creating even more dirt.Garage. The garage probably needs some attention when it comes to dirt that’s built up in corners. It’s a good idea to pull all your cars and move equipment – lawn mowers, snow blowers, etc. – out of the garage before cleaning rather than trying to work around them. Get rid of things you’re storing unnecessarily, including tools, sports equipment, and so on. After the garage is swept and shelves are washed, take the time to organize some things while putting them back. Group like with like – sporting goods in one corner, camping equipment in another, and so on. This makes things easier to find and maintain.

Closets. If you do your annual cleaning during the transition of a season, chances are you’re taking out some clothes or linens and preparing to store others. Take this time to dust out any corners of your closets. Toss out unused or expired medicines or other items from where you store your toiletries. Go through your clothes, and get rid of what you know you won’t wear. If they’re in good shape, donate them. Toss out the rest.Ceiling fans. The tops of these blades can get very dirty and dusty, especially ones located close to the kitchen, and especially if you have a smoker in the house. Use a long-handled duster, or pull a chair up to them and use a wet rag to sponge them off.

Corners. All the areas of your home that don’t get cleaned regularly – windowsills, entertainment centers, bar, bookcases, tops of shelves and cabinets, underneath beds, etc. – should be addressed during your spring cleaning.Your cleaning tools. Check your tools, including brooms, mops, scrub brushes, toilet brushes, and so on. Some should just automatically be tossed and replaced (the toilet brush, for example).

www.motherhoodincorporated.com  

Posted: November 18th, 2008 under Tips and Tricks.
Comments: none

By Nicole Perkins 

My daughter’s Kindergarten class is constant chaos, between the walls where you can’t tell where one things ends and another begins, to the desks all over the place, as well as the kids, it makes my head spin after only an hour - no wonder my daughter comes home so hyper and over stimulated. It is the most ridiculous ADD breeding ground I’ve ever seen. 

In a classroom full of rowdy toddlers, some of whom are eager to learn, others who are eager to play, splitting them up into groups where one is always left under-supervised, makes things more hectic than it needs to be.  Wouldn’t working as one big group, where everyone’s on the same page be more conducive to actual learning instead of just completing things? Questions would only need to be answered once instead of 20 times, the kids could have a nice pleasant pace without having to constantly stop in the middle of what they’re doing to switch activities, and there wouldn’t be a batch of 10 five-year olds left to their own devices at all times.  

The other two Kindergarten teachers don’t appear to be like this - I’ve watched and from what I hear, this is not standard operating procedure. I tried to voice some of my concerns at the parent-teacher conference but even then, she appeared totally rushed and flustered - I don’t think she heard a word I said.

So what do I do, switch her to another class? She would be devastated and it would probably cause more emotional harm than good. I’m trying to sign up for as many days as I can to be the parent helper, but I have a two-year old and my own work to do - my time is limited.

Should I talk to the principal? I can’t stand watching some of these poor kids who just sit there with blank stares on their faces until someone comes by to help them - they’ll never learn anything in that environment!

Or do I just watch my own kid, go over everything with her after school and help her make sense of the mayhem she “learned” at school that day? I’ve created a little station by my computer where I can get some work done while she does hers so I’m right here to answer any questions and look over what she’s done. It’s just the other kids I feel so bad for - you can literally watch some of them get left behind.

Has anyone else ever had a teacher they were unsure of and what were some of your solutions?

Posted: November 18th, 2008 under Being a Mom, Children, Nicole's Story.
Comments: 1

One of the hardest things I have been struggling with as a parent, a company owner and someone who has a full life is keeping everyone’s schedule straight. From dental appointments, to soccer practice, art class, spanish immersion - the list is endless. Add in my schedule, my husband’s schedule, my parent’s and my assistants - I am ready to go batty. I am looking for any great ideas from those of you who manage multiple schedules. I use Outlook for my company but find that my personal items get messed up with my professional committments and I am rarely with my blackberry at Karate Class. I came across these simple tips that I would like to share -but am open to any new ideas! Sandra Beck

Step 1 - Analyze Your Day

Do a simple, but consistent time study. I did this, but then I forget. I went back and tried to recreate, but forgot even more. They said the easiest way to do this is to print a daily calendar. Here’s a good one from My ParentTime except I don’t need any more paper in my kitchen. Note what each family member is doing at each time of the day. Look for the problem times, and think about how the schedule can be structured to eliminate problems related to behavior, stress, fatigue, hunger, and disorganization.

Step 2 - Brainstorm What You Want

Less confusion in the morning, homework done by dinner, children in bed by a certain hour, family play time, relaxation, a clean house - this is the time to think about what you want in your family life. Focus on a balance of activity and rest for your family. Take an honest look at both parents’ and children’s needs. This was really hard. I kept writing down. I need more sleep. I need more sleep.  An honest look? Ha ha ha…oh.

Step 3 - Write It Down

Follow the example you see in SuperNanny! Get a poster board and a marker, and write it down for all to see. Post it in the kitchen, and tell the kids that you will now be following it. You’re likely to get some opposition, so parents need to stand firm. From whom? The kitchen Nazi?  Like anyone in my house reads or follows my directions.

Step 4 - Follow the Schedule for a Week

Check the schedule often, and let it guide your days for at least one week. Instruct the children to check the schedule and follow it. If you must remind them, do so; but, your goal is for the children to learn to take responsibility for their part of the schedule.  Again, once I stopped laughing about the goal - I sobered up. Okay, I will try.

Step 5 - Tweak the Schedule

After the first week, take a look at what is working and how the schedule need changing. Make changes in the schedule, and write it on a new poster. Now I have gone from wasting paper in my home office, to killing trees in the kitchen with my new posters. Continue to follow your daily family schedule until it is second nature. (This never happened.) In a few weeks, you’ll marvel at how this simple tool has changed your family life for the better. (what?)  Note what each family member is doing at each time of the day. Look for the problem times, and think about how the schedule can be structured to eliminate problems related to behavior, stress, fatigue, hunger, and disorganization.

 Step 6 - Ask your Friends For Help

This is where I am at. Once upon a time when I only had 1 child and 1 dog, a friend told me to cook pasta, rice and a whole chicken and a whole roast beef every Sunday. It has become a habit and gives me the basic to put meals together during the week when I am rushed - throw in a few extra bits and you have soup - roll it into a tortilla it becomes a wrap - toss it in a salad = instant lunch.  So I am looking for some scheduling ideas that you might have that we can share.

Posted: November 17th, 2008 under Being a Mom.
Comments: none

Reasonable Working Hours for Self-Employed Parents

As a business owner or rather, an equal partner in a business, I have recently taken some heat for the amount of hours I work in a week. Some in the business world feel one must work an insane amount of hours to grow a business. I disagree. Do the hours of work equal a job well done? If I work more, do I get more done, and done well? Does it matter if I work 5 hours or 50 a day? if I can get the job done in less time isn’t that a good thing?

The business I have help to build is one who’s mission is to support parents in their efforts to work from home so they can spend more time with their children. If I am working 45 plus hours in a week, isn’t that defeating the purpose? I might as well go back to a high paying corporate job. My husband who makes a decent salary only works 40 hours a week and no weekends.

I admit, I am not super-mom. Working over 8 hours in a day is just not possible, if I want to keep balance. Yes, I could do it- but that would mean I would spend no quality time with my 2 small children, they would always see me working. I could stay up all through the night and work, but my health would suffer. I could ignore the laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, and cooking, but my family would suffer. I could skip all fun activities like going to the park, play-dates, swimming and vacationing but how good of a life would that be? Isn’t the purpose of life to enjoy all that it offers. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in hard work. I know that a business can’t survive without it. But can’t we, as working parents find balance? Some weeks might be more work, some less. If we make all deadlines and do a good job, isn’t that a job well done?  

I am taking a step back and reflecting on what really matters in this thing we call life. Committing to an insane number of daily working hours is just a priority. Family comes First…

By Kelli

www.ourmilkmoney.com

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Posted: November 15th, 2008 under Kelli's Story, Tips and Tricks.
Comments: none

By Nicole Perkins

In my daughter’s Kindergarten classroom, there is a full-time helper, along with a parent and the teacher. Now, the teacher is a mother of three, so I will give her some slack, but her actions are shaping the lives of a lot of children and I’m not sure she’s providing a standard she would find acceptable for her own children.

I will only go by what I have seen first hand which now tells me a lot about why my daughter’s work has come home so sloppy. Twenty kids are separated into four groups and there are three different stations - art, reading and “jobs.” The teacher calls a group to her reading table, the helper’s art table, while the rest are left to their own devices to get through their actual “jobs,” which is where the parent comes in.

We are the ones who wander all over the classroom (because of course the groups are random), to help the kids, one at a time, on the work that really matters - how to sound out their letters and match words to their pictures or something along those lines. At all times. there are 10 kids who are all over the place, have no idea what to do, or are sitting there by themselves, struggling or waiting until the parent helper can come over to help them. And then there are the kids who are advanced, who are done right away and bored out of their minds. On top of that, every 15 minutes, the teacher claps her hands and the kids all get up and move to another activity.

There is no consistency with the thought process constantly going from one thing to another, and with a different parent each day, there’s no consistency with how they’re taught. Everyone is rushing to get things done before the teacher claps her hands and the kids are not getting any real guidance on the things that matter the most in their education. I am even more grateful than ever that I work from home and have the flexibility to go regularly!

And I’ll admit, I may be a little of a control freak and perhaps, I’m just over-sensitive about my daughter’s first forray into school, so before I go crazy looking at everything with a negative eye, does any of this sound familiar or completely different than what other kids experience in Kindergarten? I just can’t imagine this is normal because it seems like such a hectic environment for children to spend their day. 

Check back in the next couple of days for some possible solutions, and any suggestions our wonderful community of moms may have, are greatly appreciated.

Posted: November 14th, 2008 under Being a Mom, Children, Nicole's Story.
Comments: none

It’s bound to happen. Either it’s too hot here or too cold and I have work to do.  And, no baby sitter.  As the owner of Motherhood Incorporated, it gets tough juggling scheduled, kids, clients, dogs and the weather. Somehow I need to get my work done today and its not a day I can blow off work and just play hooky with my kids. Where I live - it can be 110 outside or 33 - neither great temperatures to support outdoor play without huge parental supervision. This reminds me of my childhood days in Buffalo, snowed in and everyone suffering from Cabin Fever.

So when you are stuck inside with the kids - and you want to work or just want to give them something to do - I found twogreat ideas that are easy to do:

1. Have a Sock Puppet Show - take a pair of old light colored socks and one permanent market. Decorate the face and give them to the kids to play. Have them come up with a name, a character and a story. Or just let them run around the house with face on their feet!

2. Build a House - use pillows, blankets, pinic table cloth, towels and help them build a fort, a house or any other kind of shelter. Give them books, a flashlight, and old pot with cheerios to “cook” in their fire and let their imagination take over. A great idea for lunch is hot dog on a roasting stick - even if you roasted in the microwave.

Posted: November 13th, 2008 under Being a Mom, Children, Sandra's Story, Tips and Tricks.
Comments: none

By Nicole Perkins

So my daughter started Kindergarten and loves it. She’s made so many new friends and is constantly singing cute little songs and bringing home the most darling art projects - anyone remember the five little pumpkins sitting on the gate? Anyhow, it’s her actual work that I am a little concerned about.

Now I know this is just kindergarten and I don’t expect her to be writing essays or anything of the sort, but I would at the very least, expect that what she does already know, would be expanded upon. Instead, it has been quite the opposite. The “jobs” are very often wrong and not corrected, not to mention rushed. Things I’ve seen her do at home, are not being done at school and my little perfectionist has turned into a spaz.

So I didn’t panic, at first. She’s still adjusting, probably just not focusing because of all the fun the kids are having and I can’t imagine a room of 20 toddlers - I’m sure it takes some time to establish order!

But it’s been about three months now and I have since spoken with other educaters and moms. I have also had a chance to spend some time in the classroom as the parent helper and what I see is quite disconcerting.

Aside from my own disagreements with how the teacher and helper handle the children (always very rushed, unprepared, flustered and snappy), or the classroom setup (ridiculously clustered walls, desks facing every which way so the kids are constantly moving around to see what’s going on), what concerns me the most is where the teacher’s priorities lie - more on the completion of things instead of the actual learning of things.

Check back to see how our Kindergarten experience is shaping up and please, feel free to share your own stories.

Posted: November 11th, 2008 under Being a Mom, Children, Nicole's Story.
Comments: none

by Sonia Nunez

 Ah yes, spring cleaning. To some who love to clean, it can be their second Christmas. To everyone else, it’s a dreaded chore.

Spring cleaning is something that doesn’t necessarily need to be done in the springtime, or even just the spring. However, there are certain cleaning chores that should be addressed at least annually, and it’s usually good to do many of these during a time of year when you can open windows for fresh air, and do some outdoor chores as well.

We’ve listed some here to consider; a good suggestion is to read through this material while considering your own home, and making an actual list of the chores you want to accomplish during your spring cleaning. If necessary, break up this chore over the course of two days or two weekends so you don’t get overwhelmed.

Mattress and box springs. Your mattress and especially your box springs can collect dust and dirt. Use a vacuum cleaner hose and attachment and run them over both items.Refrigerator coils and underside. Pull the refrigerator out from the wall and then, using your brush attachment, vacuum the dust from every crevice you can find. Detach the vent from the front and vacuum there, too. While the fridge is pulled out, clean the floor underneath it.

Air vents. Your air vents collect a lot of dust over the course of a year. Unscrew them from the wall or floor and vacuum when you can.Laundry room floor. Move your washer and dryer out from the wall and clean around and underneath. Wipe down both appliances.

Attic/basement. Both rooms probably need some attention when it comes to cobwebs. Also, take this opportunity to toss out anything you’re storing that you know you don’t need any longer – broken appliances you’re never going to fix, tools that are rusted or unusable, clothes you’ll never wear again, and so on. These types of things are simply cluttering up your home and creating even more dirt.Garage. The garage probably needs some attention when it comes to dirt that’s built up in corners. It’s a good idea to pull all your cars and move equipment – lawn mowers, snow blowers, etc. – out of the garage before cleaning rather than trying to work around them. Get rid of things you’re storing unnecessarily, including tools, sports equipment, and so on. After the garage is swept and shelves are washed, take the time to organize some things while putting them back. Group like with like – sporting goods in one corner, camping equipment in another, and so on. This makes things easier to find and maintain.

Closets. If you do your annual cleaning during the transition of a season, chances are you’re taking out some clothes or linens and preparing to store others. Take this time to dust out any corners of your closets. Toss out unused or expired medicines or other items from where you store your toiletries. Go through your clothes, and get rid of what you know you won’t wear. If they’re in good shape, donate them. Toss out the rest.Ceiling fans. The tops of these blades can get very dirty and dusty, especially ones located close to the kitchen, and especially if you have a smoker in the house. Use a long-handled duster, or pull a chair up to them and use a wet rag to sponge them off.

Corners. All the areas of your home that don’t get cleaned regularly – windowsills, entertainment centers, bar, bookcases, tops of shelves and cabinets, underneath beds, etc. – should be addressed during your spring cleaning.Your cleaning tools. Check your tools, including brooms, mops, scrub brushes, toilet brushes, and so on. Some should just automatically be tossed and replaced (the toilet brush, for example).

Posted: November 10th, 2008 under Household, Organization, Sonia's Story.
Comments: 1

by Shannon Penrod

When you have a child who has been diagnosed with autism your view of miracles changes.  Things that other people overlook on a daily basis become moments of truimph and celebration in my household. 

Today I was sitting at the table with my son working on his homework.  He is in kindergarten and gets a packet of homework every Friday to take home and work on. It isn’t due until Wednesday but after lunch on Friday we sit down and do the entire packet.  You might think that’s very disciplined of me, the truth is that it is the only moment in the week that my son doesn’t have therapy scheduled, so it literally has to get done then. 

The first time we did homework it took over 2 hours and was so painful I cried afterwards.  But both my husband and I have stuck to our committment that there is no getting out of it –for anyone.  I am amazed that 2 short months later it is actually one of my favorite times of the week.  It is an amazing part of my journey with my son.

 Today was extraordinary.  He had a worksheet with six pictures, cartoon drawings, really.  He was supposed to identify the first letter of the word depicted in the picture and if it started with a “B” to write the letter “B”.  The fact that he can do this worksheet at all is exciting and filled me with hope for all of the things to come. 

The third picture was of a bathtub, which he quickly identified as a “B” word as he was writing the letter he said to me, “There’s a boy in the bath, boy starts with “B” too.” 

I was thrilled and praised him.  He looked closer at the cartoon and said, “The boy look mad.” 

I looked at the picture and saw that indeed the boy did look mad and I agreed with my son, thinking how wonderful that he picked up on the boy’s emotion completely unprompted.  Then he said to me “Why he mad?”

I got goosebumps, this was officially huge now - Why questions have come more and more, but this was a why about emotion that someone else was feeling.  I was so excited I could only say, “I don’t know why he’s mad.” 

Without missing a beat my son said “He want to stay dirty?”

I swear to you I heard angels singing.  I grabbed my son and kissed him and told him what a good boy he was.  “Good talking!” I told him.

For those of you who don’t know children on the spectrum, you’re probably thinking, “I don’t get it.”  But this was huge!  Anytime a child with autism can begin to put themselves into the thoughts or emotions of another person, it’s HUGE - dance around the kitchen then get on your knees and thank GOD, HUGE! 

That little conversation that most parents would have taken for granted had been 3 years, dozens of behavioral therapists, two fund raisers, 1,000s of hours of therapy, 100s of gluten free/casein free recipes, one DAN doctor, and endless sleepless nights spent worrying in the making.  And it was all worth it.  It was  a “just everyday miracle”,  the kind I like the best.

Posted: November 8th, 2008 under Being a Mom, Children, Shannon's Story.
Comments: none